“Why does it feel like such a burden to take care of yourself?”

“It’s just always been easier to take care of others. I pinpoint what they need, and it isn’t that difficult to do it.”

“What would it be like if you just as easily knew exactly what you needed and offered it to yourself?”

The silence begins to feel heavy. 

Stillness lingers.

I dare not even move in fear of disrupting the power of this moment. Will she get there? Please allow yourself to go there. 

I wait. 

“It just feels like it’s too late.” I stare at the top of her head feeling my stomach clench. Keep going. I will wait. 

“I had so much potential. There was so much untapped potential. I think of myself as a little girl always thinking of everyone else. I even knew when to give in to my brother to avoid the argument that would stress out my mother. I knew exactly what to do to keep the peace. And I just did it.” Her eyes meet mine. 

“What happened to your potential? Where did it go?”

“I just let it go. I got busy doing the things I was good at. I didn’t want to try something and fail.” 

“What did you need to take a risk?”

“I needed to know it would be okay if I failed.” 

Her head drops to her chest again. Wait.

“I needed safety.” 

“There was so much pressure on you.” 

Tears. She can only nod. 

“You needed safety. You needed to know you would be loved regardless.” 

“Not just when I did a good job!” 

I smile. “What will help you feel safe and unconditionally loved today, because it’s not too late?”

We created a new beginning at that moment. She assumed she had forfeited the opportunity assuming her role as a Peacekeeper. She accepted my invitation to become curious about the possibilities she believed were over because she hadn’t achieved them in a particular order or by a certain age. I couldn’t question where her arbitrary timeline came from because I had had one of those too. 

We are familiar with the paved path of finishing high school to then advance on to college to earn a degree most likely requiring a secondary advanced degree in order to stand out within the given industry. THe goal isn’t to just get the job, it’s to advance within the organizational structure while also finding the life partner to share the house, 2.2 children and some semblance of a normal life behind the white picket fence. Only no one reads the fine print to realize subscribing to this outdated, unrealistic set of milestones is a sure path toward discontent, emptiness and disconnection from self.

This same path that feels invigorating and validating at the start of the journey seems to take a dark turn overnight somewhere in the late 30’s to mid 40’s. What feels like the blink of the eye from walking across that high school auditorium stage filled with so much hope and promise, leaves the majority staring at their reflection questioning, How did I get here?

The hard truth is the path we start out on feels right because it’s what we see everyone else taking. We assume it’s the right track, in the same way we assume everyone is happy and successful throughout the process. Heck, doesn’t social media back that up!

When you commit to following the pack and keeping the peace, you begin a pattern of defining your sense of self by what you see rather than by what you feel. In other words you abandon what you believe to be true for yourself in order to fit in with those surrounding you. You disconnect from your internal guide investing trust only in others believing they know better. And so a lonely journey begins. 

And here you are…

Like so many, pondering the possibility of your life if you had made that one decision differently. Not to sacrifice the loves in your life, but to consider if you had followed your inner compass directing you toward your quiet passions. 

I want you there. 

I want to hold you in those questions, reflecting, allowing yourself to get creative, asking what if instead of inserting the yea but. I want  you to step into a flexible space absent of rules and expectations where you entertain the vision you have kept as a secret fantasy. Imagine everything as possible because you are safe. You are loved. 

You are safe, loved and standing upon all of your untapped potential saved for this very moment. 

This is how we break through.