Self-Care: Is it just another thing on your to-do list?

Here's the thing about self-care:

When done the right way, it will open the door to a deeper relationship with self. Like with anything else though, when we try to transform our lifestyle from burning the wick at both ends to the epitome of a self-care retreat, it creates more stress than it does relief.

My approach to self-care is starting with three things - JUST THREE! Three activities that can be relatively easy to incorporate into your day. Start with three, create some momentum, and add from there until there is a healthy balance of activities to meet our physical and emotional needs.

Starting with three activities is the first part of the recipe for success, because the average person can't sustainably manage more than three without there be the risk of self-care reinforcing feelings of failure.

Sure, you can create the self-care agenda mirroring that of an all-day self-care workshop, but I can almost guarantee it will be impossible to complete all of the activities three days in a row while also trying to manage the competing responsibilities in your life. The things in your life that also REQUIRE some of your time and attention - work, relationships, children, household management, to name a few. So when there isn't that sense of satisfaction of completing the intense self-care schedule, it is common to experience feelings of failure - "I can't even follow through with taking care of myself." The critical statement couldn't be further from the truth, yet it represents the destructive, yet familiar pattern perpetuating feelings of stress and failure.

So start with committing to a routine of THREE self-care activities.

Part two is all about compliancy!

I use the analogy to psychotropic medication. There is no magic pill to feel better, however, a doctor may prescribe a REGIMEN of medicine to help ease the intensity of certain symptoms.

The doctor instructs, take one tablet in the morning with breakfast, and a second tablet one hour before bed, with the expectation that this protocol will demonstrate a difference around the three-week mark.

Please note, even the effects of the medication may not be felt immediately.

Now, imagine you continue to forget the evening dose of medication. Perhaps you fall asleep binge-watching the latest Netflix must see, and it is just overlooked. Given you are only taking half of the prescribed dosage, do you expect the same results as if you are taking the full dose? Think about this for a second! It couldn't be possible to experience the effects of the full dose, yet we are often quick to jump to the conclusion that the medicine "just isn't working." In reality, the proper protocol wasn't followed.

How does this relate to self-care?

Have you ever tried a self-care activity, and reported back that it didn't work? I routinely ask clients, what self-care activities they have tried, and I commonly hear I tried _________ (fill in the blank), but I never really noticed any difference.

Second question: "How many times did you do it?'

Response: "Maybe two or three times."

Is it possible to feel a difference doing anything only two or three times? Attempting a new activity requires more than two or three times just to become familiar with it. Never mind, trying to form an opinion about it.

What might happen if you committed to the self-care activities consistently for three weeks?

Part three is about strategy.

Build a self-care routine so you are set up to be successful. Strategize your plan so the timing compliments your day. If you are a working mom, like me, perhaps the early morning hours are the best time for self-care to minimize the interruptions, and maximize the peace and quiet.

Strategy may also include the environment. Does the space need to be clean or can you tolerate clutter? Would it be helpful to leave the house? Do you prefer to be surrounded by nature? Should there be music playing in the background? What type of lighting do you prefer?

Strategy also includes keeping the vision of your future self, the person you are growing into, at the forefront. If you are looking for a lifestyle with less anxiety, make that your vision. If you are looking to have less intrusive thoughts impeding your ability to be present and experience more joy in the moment, let that be your vision. If you are looking to have a better relationship with food, so you can enjoy a meal without feelings of guilt and shame, THEN LET THAT BE YOUR VISION!

Give this a try, you have nothing to lose!